Financial, Legal and Nonsense Matters.

I have tried to touch upon these issues in my entries, but as I type each detailed entry, I forget some things that happened...so I figured I would do a separate post JUST about these matters (and add to it as I get the time). These are all issues I've had to deal with since "taking over" for my Dad.
Okay, so from the very beginning, I knew we'd have to get some sort of legal advice. I was only 32 when these issues started coming, and I had never had to think about any of this before...and frankly, from what few things I have dealt with, I don't necessarily trust lawyers or people who deal with money for a living. That may sound bad, but it's true.
My first real legal experience came when my Mom died. My dad was losing it at that point and so I "volunteered" to call and close out all of her accounts, etc. For about 4 months I had daily (Monday through Friday anyway) arguments with Medi-Cal. My Mom had no insurance and they were saying my Dad was liable for the close to $90,000 in medical fees. My Dad owned nothing...nothing except a car that was worth basically nothing. There was no property, no expensive pieces of anything. He was broke. At the time, hubby and I (well, hubby, since he had the "real, money-paying" job) were paying for everything Daddy needed. When I stupidly mentioned that, Medi-Cal then insisted that WE should be liable for the fees since we were taking care of my Dad. Now...I need to make my point very clear here. I literally yelled at a few people Medi-Cal employees. I kept calling and they kept calling. There seemed to be no end to this. But I pursued it eagerly. In the end, I must've spoken to about 20 Medi-Cal people before I got the "right" person...who told me that OF COURSE my Dad (or we) didn't owe that money.
Seriously. After MONTHS of hell, it was over just like that. So if you have a situation like that, please do not give up. Ask to talk to EVERYONE...every Supervisor alive. Most people may have given up long before I did...but I knew in my gut that my Dad should not be liable for that money. Medi-Cal informed me that "poverty level" was earning $934 or less a month for a COUPLE (sickening!) and my parents made $1200 a month and were clearly above poverty level...so Daddy should be "capable" of paying it off in installments. I'm sorry, but hell NO. I don't what state you live in...but we're in central California...and NO ONE can live reasonably off of even $1200 a month for two people...but someone decided that poverty level was barely over $900 a month? Ridiculous!!!!! And...uh...a 70 year old man with dementia (read: will die soon) who only gets a Social Security check every month could somehow pay off nearly $90,000 if we set up an installment plan? Kiss my ass, Medi-Cal! So I fought. And fought. But it was worth it, damn it.
Then, also surrounding my Mother's final expenses...she had a credit card with about $5000 on it. After about 10 phone calls to several states and the credit card's "legal department", they told me my Dad owed nothing...because he wasn't the card holder...he just had a card with his name on it from my mother's account. A person not willing to make phone calls or question it wouldn't have found out this information. I had to dig, and get on a few people's nerves to get the answers I needed.
Then there were a few small things that happened after I closed accounts for my Mom. In the process of closing things and having final bills sent to me...even though I NEVER gave any of these people any info about me other than my name or address...alllllll my mother's credit information "somehow" ended up on MY credit history. All the credit cards she'd ever had, lists of their addresses I never lived at, and bills she's paid late...all on MY credit. It took about two years to get that all straightened out...and actually, there is still one credit card that was hers that the company refuses to take off my credit because they don't believe me. So be very careful.
When Nany (my Dad's Mom) passed, we didn't know how we were to handle the sale of the house and all the tax information about Dad getting inheritance. We already had Power of Attorney, but I had already been given mixed stories about what our roles and rights would be in helping my Dad. We spoke to a lawyer in New Mexico and he admitted he wasn't sure of California laws, but that he could help us with a "better" Power of Attorney form and issues with the house in New Mexico, but that we should consult a CA attorney as well. All in all, I paid the NM attorney about $2000 for the P.O.A and calls he made on our behalf.
While in New Mexico, getting Nany's house up for sale, we ran into all kinds of fun. Brother was thankfully with me and extremely helpful with the initial house nonsense, so that was great. We had to go close out Nany's CD's and other accounts...and all the cousins came out of the woodwork and wanted to make sure we split the money with their mother...my Dad's sister (Nany's daughter).
Now, legally, we did NOT have to do this. Nany's Will clearly stated that my Dad was the Executor. He was named on the house as joint tenant (not his sister), and the CD's were also only going to him. The checking account that his sister had been helping Nany with had her name on it, but nothing else did. Nany and Papa (before he died) was very sepcific about the fact that they did NOT want our Aunt getting that money. Period. This was not because they didn't want the her to get any...but because after a whole lifetime of knowing my her...she wouldn't use it on herself...she would give it all to her kids that my grandparents absolutely refused to help (because there had been some loans unpaid and they had stolen A LOT of money over the years). BUT...my Dad, being afraid of his own shadow and feeling bad for his sister, and after being brow-beaten by her, decided to split the CD money with her, which equalled them each getting $200,000.
Little did we know that Dad would be liable for that "gift" to her and the taxes involved. More hell. And his sister DID give the majority of the money to her kids...and then they got whatever was left a few months later when she passed away after a long battle with cancer. I really had no problem with HER having that money...I just wish she'd used it for herself, gone on a trip, something. And I feel like I let Nany and Papa down by not trying to override my Dad's decision and doing what THEY had wanted done with that money. Oh well. It's money he didn't have to begin with anyway (right?).
Back in CA, we opened CD's for Daddy with his share. And we also decided that no matter what Dad said, once the house sold, we were putting it in an account for HIM...and no matter what any stupid relative said...we were NOT giving them any. They were not legally entitled to any of it, and we had huge expenses to consider to take care of our Dad now. Wells Fargo said it was easier for me to open them in my name since I handled everything...the lady said that way we could have easier access to it whenever we needed it. So that's what we did.
Then I consulted a CA lawyer. He said I needed to get that money out my name ASAP because tax-wise I was gonna get nailed. He also said that our P.O.A was fine, but he should write us up another one for CA. Okay. Easy enough, right?
More questions popped up and my brother went with me to see the lawyer again. This time he said it would be better to get a Trust, which would be just as easy for us to access, but no tax ramifications for anyone but Dad.
Then I start talking to people at the support group. They said NO...that if I do a Trust then things will have to go to court and if there is any money left over it will be split 3 ways (amongst us 3 kids) by the financial institution the money is in. I don't like that idea because I am NOT going to go to court to get money that wasn't mine anyway...and I was NOT going to use whatever WAS left of "my share" to pay for all my Dad's final expenses. Sorry, but that's not fair. I'm not after this money, but there is no stinkin' way that I am paying for burial out of my "third" of whatever money may or may not be left. That's not right. Especially considering I've been doing all this work and getting nothing but brownie points in return.
Then I see a financial advisor. Super nice, knowledgeable guy, but everything that can make decent money is at a risk...like annuities...and I can't risk this money, it's all I have to take care of Dad.
At the end of the year when I was doing my Dad's taxes, all hell broke loose. Not only were there mounds of paperwork for all this god-forsaken money, but then there's the house that finally sold after 11 1/2 months, the fact that we'd "gifted" my Dad's sister $200,000 in another State, the account that had been in MY name that we now had to transfer interest, AND the tax lady just happened to ask me just who was handling all of my Nany's taxes. Huh?
Nany had passed away in January of that year (2007), so there could be something to file. GREAT. So, more hours of phone calls and piles of paperwork. And during the process of trying to find out what may have been left undone in regard to Nany's financial affairs...I found out the checking account that my Dad's sister had been handling for Nany was still open. Oh, did I have fun trying to close that account. I got my brother to go with me one time and we got nowhere. They wanted to talk to our DAD...saying that he was the only one who could close it. I explained that WE were legally liable for all of our Dad's issues because he couldn't make those decisions. We showed them our P.O.A form. They didn't care.
It took a few weeks for my Dad to have a decent enough day for me to take him to the bank to close that account. And he acted weird and said some weird things about being held hostage. Well, they ASKED to talk to him, so haha!
Also along these lines...there were many, many times when I had set up my Dad's utilities or phone, etc. when he moved. Now, these places will let just about ANYONE set up service...to rack up a nice fat bill. But when it comes to cancelling service...oh no, they want to hassle you. Even though IIII set it up. Even though IIIII always wrote the checks. Even though IIII knew all the passwords. Oh yes, many times these places would ask to speak to my Dad ONLY. I warned them, then I'd put him on the phone.
Uh, yeah, he'd identify himself (usually) and sometimes he'd even agree that it was okay for me to close whatever account we were discussing. But he also always had some comepletely bizarre things to scare the hell out of them with. Like the day I was cancelling his phone at his Senior apartment...I put him on the phone after the girl INSISTED on talking to my Dad. Then Dad proceeded to say things like, "can you come over and ask this bastard in my chair to leave me alone? He's stolen my food, my wallet, and he keeps harrassing me and won't get out of my chair so I just sit on him".
I took the phone and said, "Are you quite done now?" and she said, "Oh my gosh, I am SO sorry." I said, "Hey, I warned you. Have a nice day".
Meanwhile, sister is saying things about how if we, (meaning my brother and I) mishandled "the money"...or, hint, hint...use it for our benefit and the money is ever gone, that they would never help us take care of Dad.
While I see the general point, that pisses me off.
If anyone knows just how much money it takes and what money comes in and out, it's me. IIIIII am not going to "clean my Dad out" when, let's be honest, I would be taking care of him anyway....money or not. And my brother? I, uh, kinda think that he would realize that if HE cleaned Dad out, that I would be immediately drop Dad off on his doorstep and then he'd have to pay for everything anyway. We're not stupid. We're the ones here seeing that you basically have to sell your organs to pay for one of these facilities for a month AND that we would be taking care of our Dad if there was no money anyway...my god!
It wasn't the accusation or thought that we'd clean my Dad out that that bothered me...because that is not going to happen. It was the fact that my sister said that she wouldn't help our Dad...? What if the money was stolen or who the hell knows what...they would hold that against our Dad and not help HIM because the money was gone? I dunno. These situations bring out the worst in all of us, so I am just going to let that comment go.
So...I set up CD's in DAD'S name, but with me and brother as joint account holders. The bank said that way we can turn them over when they mature or take the money out, etc. Fine.
But then the first CD's matured and I was hassled. I wasn't told about the fact that you only have 7 days to turn them over, otherwise they are reinvested for another term and a lower rate. Arrrgh. Yes, I'm NEW.
I continued to handle all the other banking and paying facilities, etc., and anytime I had questions, I was hassled by bank employees. They acted like I was there to somehow sneak money out or trick them into telling me something. But we were supposed to be able to be told everything and handle the money as if it was our own. But it didn't work that way.
The next term comes and I rolled the money into another CD. I'm hassled. They act like I'm some punk kid...I wasn't taking money OUT, I was reinvesting it in THEIR bank.
I spoke to another attorney. This guy says that our P.O.A. should be completely sufficient until my Dad dies...so he doesn't get why I keep getting hassled. Another $600 to hear that. He recommends that I consider putting the money back in my name if we don't want to do a Trust...which he says can sometimes cause problems anyway.
????
The CD's matured again and this time I put it in the checking because I was reading up on other banks that have higher percentage rates. I decide to leave it there until I figure out which one is better. Yet again, I'm hassled. The Banker guy helping me goes to talk to one of the tellers to authorize the deposit, and the woman starts saying how she can't believe what a large amount of money it is...asking did he check my ID...and what was up with my name...she said at least 3 times that my name "was weird". I start fuming. Banker guy sits down and I ask him if he thought that was a bit RUDE....and also why he didn't say something to her about that being INAPPROPRIATE. He freezes. I ask again...did he think that was rude that she was commenting on my "weird" name...and did I look unwashed or dirty or something...could I not have this amount of money in the bank? He said nothing. I told him I changed my mind about deposting the CD money back into the checking account...to give me the cashier's check, and that I would NOT be redepositing it with THEIR bank again...and that he could go tell his teller friend that she just lost their bank $200,000. I left.
I researched CD rates for a few weeks. Bank of America had better rates than Wells Fargo or anyone at the time, so I decided to go with them.
Next, we have all the medical bills. With all the ER visits and changes of addresses (even though ALL bills have ALWAYS come to my address), there is a good chance this money is going to vanish quick AND that bills will get sent to a wrong address. When facilities send Daddy to the ER for a $3000 dollar bandaid once a week, you have to unleash your inner bitch, ASAP. That's almost a month's worth of rent at one of these places...and it went to pay for a bandaid at the ER? Um, NO. Treat the money like it's yours and that once it's gone, the world will end...otherwise you WILL get billed and billed and billed for things that are completely avoidable.
And, as I started to mention, with address changes, stupid people make stupid things happen. My address has always been the only address bills have gone to...however...because there is obviously a real address that exists where Daddy would actually "live", things can get screwy. I don't have any idea how this could've been avoided, but several of my Dad's bills were repeatedly sent to the wrong address until it was sent to a collection agency. Another nightmare. By the time I would find out about this, usually by a barrage of sudden phone calls when they tried to trace my Dad's whereabouts, I had disgruntled, rude people yelling at me for not paying a bill. And, typically, these bills that ended up at the collection agency were the $35 ones. Well, of course! Because ALL of the $3000 and up bills sure as heck always found the right place to go to!
And, uhhhh...Hiding money: This, I will not fully comment on as to not incriminate certain people, but there are "ways" to hide money when, well, you just have to. I will use my Dad as an example.
I applied for the VA Aid and Assistance for my Dad back when he'd already used half of his inhertitance on assisted living rents. So, he had about $100,000 at that time. Figuring in the costs of his medicines, ER trips, rent and other costs, that money would be gone within the year. And he owned nothing else. Just that money was what he had. We had no secret stash of diamonds or bonds or gold teeth that could be melted down for cash (you think I'm kidding?). But they said to "come back when his money has run out".
Now, if someone were to not mind dealing with the tax nonsense, and were able to, say, put the money in their name, then Daddy would have been eligible for that aid and assistance. Had I known that, I would've done it...because, let's face it, that money is being spent on his care one way or another...and to "come back when it's run out" is ridiculous. He served his country, and he's in need of a good facility, so I do NOT feel guilty saying that they owed him that. But we didn't get it, so life goes on.
Same with Medi-Cal. If you own anything or have ANYTHING, and I do mean anything...they want to know and they want it sold or cashed in before you even dare to ask them for help. My Dad has never had any medical insurance besides what the VA would cover on certain things, so when you are faced with privately paying for facilities, you get screwed. If you are on Medi-Cal, Medicare, etc., you get a fair rate...private payers are like walking dollar signs to these places. From what I have heard from support group people, even lawyers, and now from my own experience, Medi-Cal only looks back about 3 months in someone's bank information. So, if someone were to, uh, safely and legally transfer some money, wait some time, then reapply, you might get the help you need. One warning about Medi-Cal too...if there is ANY money left in your loved one's name and they are receiving Medi-Cal, get it out ASAP. Medi-Cal absolutely WILL pursue anything left in "the estate", even if that "estate" only equals a few thousand dollars you could use for burial expenses. Oh yes they do. If there is a cent in your loved one's name, it will become theirs. Many a family has been blindsided by "doing the right thing" and leaving all the money in their loved ones "estate"...thinking that after all was said and done they have money left to pay for burial...then they find out that Medi-Cal already took it. Beware. And one of the most absurd things about agencies like Medi-Cal is that they even want to know if your loved one has pre-paid funeral expenses. They figure that it's reasonable for you to sell that before they help you...even though that will leave no paid funeral arrangements and can ultimately leave someone ELSE in dire straights or the State left to pay the expenses anyway. How does that make ANY sense? What we did was pre-pay for the burial plot in MY name with MY checking account and then did all the paperwork for the funeral arrangements and had the payment on hold until his death occured.
We all pay taxes, we all pay into the Medicare system, and too many people who are law-abiding, good citizens cannot get aid no matter what they have or don't have. So cover your loved ones ass, so to speak. To me, I had a real problem at first bending rules because I didn't think it was right...until I went to the Medi-Cal offices and saw that most of the people there getting aid had Denali's and gold "grill" teeth and full manicures...while we struggled to find out how to make every dollar stretch to pay for halfway decent care for Daddy.
Now, as far as legal advice, all I can say is do what you know is right, but talk to people who have been there before making major decisions. DO NOT take the advice of just one lawyer, and do NOT take the advice of one person who has been in your shoes. Research in books, online, ask people, and do not be shy in being finding out what you need to know. Be your own advocate and do what is right for your loved one.