Contradictions.

Uh, yeah...so in a much earlier post, I wrote about how my Dad had been sent to the Geriatric Psych Ward over a year ago under the pretense that he'd be getting his meds straight, etc., then we'd bring him home...but what really happened was that they told me to walk away, that he was too far gone and that they were making him a ward of the state. I wrote how nothing had been even asked or explained, that they just proceeded without my knowledge and assumed we were abandoning him or that I was okay with that. At that time, I knew no more about Conservatorship than I do about the current budget "crisis" in California.
WELL...This time around...I do. I was called yesterday and asked about whether we'd spoken to anyone about Conservatorship and I said I had...and that I was not going to contest it like I did last time, since now I not only realize what it is, but have also thrown up my white flag in defeat of this disease or being able to care for my Dad.
Uh, yeah, no...they don't want to this time. They told me that IIIIIIIII needed to finance a Conservatorship...that "the family" needed to be the one that pursued this. Hmmm. If WE, meaning me, are not trying to BE the Conservator...why would III need to pursue anything? And what if I was dead...? Then what? Do they think they're going to track down my brother or sister and get them to do any paperwork that isn't in anyone's best interest and would shackle them to this like I've been? That's ludicrous and out of touch with reality. While yes, he is our family, our Dad...he is "just" our Dad. He is not my SPOUSE or CHILD. Everyone I have now talked to is in total agreement that I should've never tried to take the role of caregiver to begin with...I am "only" the daughter. Now, not that I totally agree that I "shouldn't" have tried to take care of my Dad...but when I obviously can't and have been sorely neglecting my own family and health in pursuing my father's 5 seconds of happiness per day...mustn't something give?...besides me?
I swear, everytime I turn around, I get a totally different experience/answer from the same situation. Are there no universal standards followed? What are rules for? Why so many contradictions with everything?
Whether it's dealing with bank issues or whatever...shouldn't there be some basic, universal rules and laws that EVERYONE follows? Why is it that every branch of bank and hospital and facility has their "own" rules and way of doing things? And why are we sent to lawyers to pay ungodly amounts of money for documents that are worth less than the paper they're printed on?
I never signed on as a Conservator or had the Trust papers officially filed when I found out that it would just make MORE work for me. No freakin' way. And since we all now know that the POA forms are looked upon as worthless...then what exactly is my place? I apparently don't have one unless it's convenient for the person saying so at the time. Either I am "authorized" or I'm not...I shouldn't half-ass be authorized at some places but not others when they don't want me to be. I give up. And I don't trust lawyers or this whole system, county and state government AT ALL. It's cracked.

So I had my Support Group meeting this morning. I hadn't been able to go for two weeks because of all the nonsense happening. I am so glad I made it today. I updated everyone on what's been happening, and got SO much input on everything...I feel a lot better now about this decision to not be the responsible one for my Dad anymore. And there was a woman named Rita who I'd never met who came. She has dealt with two parents in this situation and was an abundance of knowledge for me...she even chimed in on the whole money situation because she has been dealing with that as well. Although I have a massive headache right now from being stressed before the meeting, I do really feel a weight has been lifted...there is absolutely nothing like hearing other people telling the same story you are in at this very moment. Everyone had some input either about how I obviously need to let go of feeling guilty...to what they would do about the money...to the fact that they absolutely forbid me to sign ANY documents regarding my Dad's stay at the VA so I am not held responsible...and was even offered to be treated to a massage! My goodness!
I told you my support group friends were great!
I still have a lot to figure out and it appears that I will, yet again, have to meet with some sort of lawyer to figure out all this money nonsense...but for the moment, I am going to just be.