I've had it in the back of my mind for a really long time to write about this...the responsibility, or irresponsibility, as it may be, of the media related to promoting what Lewy Body Dementia, Alzheimer's, or any other dementia-related illnesses are really like in real-life.
Some people are incredibly uneducated, naive or just plain stupid (hello, read my last post!) when it comes to life in general, let alone when it comes to what they believe on TV, or movies. Too many people completely believe what they see on TV, and it really irks me when something false is reported over and over again. Then we have movies...and, one would think that people would take them with a grain of salt...realizing that they're total (or mostly) fantasy...and that people would question what was reality or fake and educate themselves on what was true.
But if that happened, I guess I wouldn't be writing this, now would I?
When it comes to the portrayals I've seen about dementia...wow, total disappointment. That's not to say that the movies themselves are bad, not at all. But the actual portrayal and factual information they show is really pathetic, and leads far too many people to believe that these diseases are just about being forgetful or needing a little help here and there...or that the person basically spontaneously dies after their diagnosis...which is probably part of the reason why, when families are actually faced with a disease like this, they freak out and dump their loved one off at a Nursing Home, never to be visited again. No one is ready for the YEARS that you will really be battling this, because no one tells you anything helpful until you ARE faced with it...and by then you are probably already sleep deprived or pulling your hair out, wondering what kind of mental case your loved one has turned into. This disease sucks your very will to live some days, and if you've had some fantasy that Dad will gleefully just stroll along and just need some reminders after being diagnosed with Dementia, because that's what "The Notebook" showed you, then you're in for a real shock. When bodily fluids, yelling, hitting, diapers, feeding issues, not sleeping, and all the fun stuff that REALLY happens starts up and you thought Dad would just be "pleasantly confused", then what? And who really tells us what's really going to happen? Not Doctors most of the time. And if all we know about these diseases are character portrayals on the big screen, there needs to be some changes. BIG TIME. Someone needs to be a little more responsible when they have the ability to affect literally millions of people.
Take 'The Notebook' as a perfect example. This was a great book, and really great movie. One of my all-time favorites, actually...as far as the love story is told. The characters were likable almost to a fault, and you couldn't help but catapult yourself into the scenes yourself...I just love it. I've easily watched that movie a dozen times and I cry every single time. BUT...just the fact that Ally (in her demented state) is always picture-perfect and coiffed is a total let-down. I don't know about you, but where I live in California, the residents do NOT look like that, and as you may have read, my Dad was a resident in many facilities. Not even the people on the independent-living areas look that good, let alone the ones with dementia. And the place she lives in that story? Forget about it. My Dad lived in some pretty nice places, hotel-like even, but the one she was at, dear god...can IIII move there? It's totally awesome! And it's not until the very end, the day she dies, that her hair was a bit ruffled and she didn't have lipstick on. Yeah, THAT'S real!
I've also seen 'Away From Her'. Another "good movie", but again...the woman portraying the Alzheimer's patient has very mild symptoms at best and she's gorgeous at all times. The facility she lives in is like a summer camp for people who are a little forgetful. A total crock. Good movie, good acting...crap for facts.
And then there's 'The Savages'. I should just stop there.
I was SO excited when I saw that this movie was being made. But because I couldn't get out to the movies when it was out (Lewy was living with us, and it was only released in limited theaters here anyway), I had to wait, but I bought it the very day it was released on DVD. Seeing that it was about a "younger" set of siblings who are suddenly thrust into taking care of their Dad with Dementia, I thought, YES, THIS IS IT...I will find solace and answers and something, ANYTHING!, to help me get through this Lewy Body nightmare. I thought it would be something I could relate to, some humor, some...something!
I was so disappointed that I even posted a review on the New York Times site about the movie.
If you haven't seen it, it basically shows two totally emotionally stunted and dysFUNctional siblings that find out their Dad has dementia and they are forced back into each others lives. The part about the demented Dad is sooooooo shallow...his first real symptom is that he decides to scrawl on the bathroom wall with his own feces, and his kids are called. They find him a facility, which wasn't that difficult, and then he dies almost immediately.
A far cry from what really happens.
Decent acting, good directing, and it had its moments that were funny or touching, but the saddest and most meaningful part of the movie was about the dog.
And, ya know, maybe these directors aren't trying to make a factual movie about dementia, which is fine...but if they're going to use this illness anywhere in their storyline, they could AT LEAST make it somewhat real, something more like what any one of us is going through at any minute of our days.
I've tried to find other movies about dementia, and there is a short list. The other ones I've found are:
"Aurora Borealis" (2006)
"A Song For Martin" (2001)
"Iris: A Memoir if Iris Murdoch" (2001)
"Firefly Dreams" (2001)
"Age Old Friends" (1989)
I'd like to hear from anyone who has seen these...I want to find them and watch them myself too. And what does anyone think about the 3 that I did see? What are your thoughts about how Dementia is portrayed? Are there any other movies/shows anyone knows about? Let me know!
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