That "vacation"-sickness thing. And ranting.

Have you ever noticed that you can work your butt off and somehow get through all of life's nonsense relatively unscathed...but the second you finally decide that you will take a break or an actual vacation...you get sick? I've read articles about this in the past...it has to do with finally "letting go" and relaxing...and your immune system, being overwrought, is struck with the reality of your exhaustion and you get the first little bug that comes along. I know many people who have complained of getting sick when they finally take a vacation. I am assuming that this is what is happening to me. Not that I am on any vacation...ha!...but now that I am not under seige 24/7 by Lewy and actually have had some peace to have the option of sitting down for 5 seconds...I feel that I am more exhausted and in that "being on the verge of getting sick" than ever before. I feel horrible. I am in that state of 'about to get the flu' every day. Yes, it could be my stupid thyroid nonsense, combined with the weather change, combined with life in general, combined with stress and those harrassing phone calls from the VA combined with, well, everything and the above...but this is ridiculous. I am more tired than ever, how is that possible?

In other news, the phone calls have not stopped. The VA has left message after message about "urgently" needing to talk to me. I ignored them all until a few days ago when that Resident jerk-off Zambrano was leaving a message...and he said something to the effect of "never speaking to me before"...he'd said something like that before and I thought I heard him wrong...but no...he was really saying that he had never spoken to me before. These people are nutty. I've talked to this loon at least 7 times, probably more.
I think when the meds go out to patients it goes something like this: "Okay, Mr. Smith, here's your haldol...soooooo...that's one for you and one for me...and here's your Xanax...that'd be one for you and two for me...".
They are wiggedy-whacked, plain and simple.
This is the majority of the reason why, way back in the stone ages when I was in college... that I dropped my Psych major. After far too many classes with crazy teachers who would bring in their "highly accredited" speakers who were clearly medicated (or needed to be)...I knew there was absolutely no way I could handle having to deal with colleagues who were crazier than the people they were supposed to be treating.
So while that snickers bar Zambrano was saying he'd never spoken to me before, I couldn't help it, I picked up the phone. We got in a heated discussion about how they were harrassing me and Dr. Snickerdoodle thought he'd use his overly animated ego to try to trick me into thinking he knew some big words that I might not know. What transpired was me saying, "Listen, honey" and talking him down to his actual 3 year old mentality. I do not play well with people who have narcisstic personality disorder...people who have themselves SO high on a pedestal...who think that because they attended a few 1/2 hour seminars and had the money to buy a 3000-page medical book (that they never even read)...that they are superior in any way. I know that people like this use their false, "book-smarts" intelligence on the majority of people and get what they want...they are condescending to someone who may not know all the terminology or legal jargon...and trick these unsuspecting people into doing things they don't have to do. This doesn't work with me. I happen to know a few big words myself.
Then there was the call from Ackerman the Social Worker...this time her message was calm and almost pleading, but in a, dare I say...friendly voice?...that she "really, really just needed to speak with someone 'knowledgable' about a few issues they desperately needed to take care of". I'm not buying it. She can be nice (now) and plead and try to stroke my ego all she wants...I'm not biting. All the things she said she absolutely couldn't do are now transpiring...such as how she said they could never get Daddy Medi-Cal...well now they are signing him up...or how they insisted my Dad would never get transferrred to any VA Nursing Homes because his medical state isn't "service related"...but now they are waiting for his bed at one.
Funny how things work out, isn't it?
What really steams me, and I spoke to my friends at the Alzheimer's group about this, is how people like this bully family members until they break...most people will cave under pressure and won't stand up for themselves. I did that to an extent...caving in...I kept on going and going with these issues with my Dad until I was living on fumes...and this is why 30% of caregivers of every age die BEFORE the people they are caring for. Stress and exhaustion are no laughing matter and it is NOT in your head and not something you can pray away or wish away or ignore. This stuff will kill you. And people like the Doctors/Nurses and Social Worker at the VA are the people who will drive you to insanity or death...and they will not bat an eye about it.
People like my Dad DESERVE assistance from the county and state. We shouldn't be being harrassed to the point of not answering our phones because the VA and state will not take responsibility for what they had a part in. I know far too many people who are getting free benefits, food stamps, Medi-Cal, Unemployment and other aid when they do NOT deserve it or are defrauding the system with lies to get it. My Mom and Dad lived on wages just above the state's poverty level my whole life. We had NO medical insurance, and my Dad had limited VA benefits that he had to fight tooth and nail for. We did not get free anything because we looked too white or had $10 dollars too much...but neighbors of ours who made more than my parents who were more ethnic looking got every form of assistance and also had plenty of money to get their nails done every week and carry Gucci bags. Things are still like that. I love it when I am waiting in line at the grocery store when the person in front of me is decked out in runway clothes, has a perfect french manicure, is carrying the latest Kate Spade bag, in high heels, layered with jewelery...and my ice cream is melting because of the 20 extra minutes it takes to scan those damn WIC certificates. Then I go out to the parking lot and see this woman loading her free groceries into her souped-up Denali.
I will not feel bad about expecting my Dad to get HALF of what that lady is clearly getting.
And I could fight for benefits/state assistance if I really wanted to. Though I "look" white, I am actually enough American Indian and Mexican to have gone to college for free. I could get lots of free stuff if I were so inclined to do so. But I am not the type of person who takes hand outs because I was born with a certain heritage. If I was, I would also try to cash in on this "restitution" crap that some people claim they are entitled to because their family members 100 years ago were slaves.
Hmmm, well so were mine. And less than 100 years ago.
My Mom's family were slaves on a farm...they even had to take the last name of the family they worked for. Then the American Indian parts of both sides of my family had their land taken from them. Does that mean I am entitled to restitution? Back pay? To open my own casino? Hardly.
But my Dad deserves to have the state finally pony-up and take care of him. When my Dad served in Korea, he just wanted to hurry up and go home. He didn't make a big deal about the fact that seeing people die haunted him and gave him nightmares. So, because he didn't complain and cry about his experience, his numerous mental ailments were deemed "non-service related" which is far from the truth...so while I am usually not the type of person who expects something for nothing...which isn't really the case here anyway...I think that the VA should do what they should have done years ago. And that is taking responsibility for what my Dad's service did to him. NO ONE gets through military service without harm. No one. And it's time that we all acknowledge that. We all owe our servicemen/women our respect and gratitude...at the very LEAST, they deserve to have life-long, EXCELLENT medical benefits, if not medical benefits for their entire family to boot. Taking my Dad to the VA as many times as I have, I have seen barely 20-year old BOYS with missing limbs trying to get medicine and given a hard time about it because their VA benefits don't cover it. And I've seen some of these young men with pregnant wives or small children...I've heard them talking and was horrified. Some of these BOYS...who went off to war and left families behind...are now back and will probably never work again due to their injuries (missing arms, legs, head injuries)...and they receive very little monetary compensation AND they don't make enough to carry medical insurance for their families BUT most of them are too white or own a car that is worth more than $2200, so they CANNOT get Medi-Cal or any other state funded assistance. That is so far beyond bullshit. Most of these guys are coming home with serious injuries and many are coming home with head injuries so severe that there is no room for them in VA hospitals...so they are sent to the Geriatric Psych units...because the injuries they sustained have made their mental states as bad as somone with a dementia or schizophrenia. And yet they do not deserve full and complete medical benefits for life?
My God.
If you kill someone on the street just for the hell of it, you would be sent to prison (maybe) where you would get 3 complete, nutritionally balanced meals per day AND free, state of the art medical care.
But if you serve your country or work for a living and pay into taxes that are filtered into state funded "aid" to people who "need" it...and someday YOU need some sort of assistance? HA! Good luck because the state is too busy fumbling the budget deficit for all the people already getting those benefits who are here illegally, or are okay with defrauding and lying to get it. I can honestly say I do not know ONE person who is receiving any kind or type of county/state/government aid that is doing it legally, or who is even a citizen here. And the people I've known who are getting their "free" (at the low, low cost of their physical and mental health and stress on their families) VA benefits are given such a hard time about it that most of them do not even bother going unless it is a dire necessity.
And so this is why I am not budging. I refuse. Realistically, my Dad's life will be over in the next couple of years if not much sooner. The VA and state is getting off pretty cheap if you ask me. It's long overdue that they compensate my Dad for what he did for them. For us.
Off my soapbox now.