Friday, November 14, 2008

Dead Ringer.

Phone Ringer, that is. No one really called me back today...of ALL the calls I made yesterday, the only calls I got were from the Modesto VA Social Worker and of course, Laurie Ackerman...and I didn't even want HER to call me. Eric Andrews, the Modesto VA Social Worker called Ackerman for more info about why I was calling him in regard to my Dad. Laurie then left me a message saying that Mr. Andrews said that I am wanting to work with her on getting my Dad discharged, and she was oh-so pleased. Is she psychotic? Or is it because the bridge betweenthe check they wanted leads to me...you know, the money I don't have "control over" anymore...and this has stalled him being released.
Good.
Because they need to find him an appropriate place FIRST. Idiots.
Hubby and I went to Las Palmas this morning to check it out.
The place itself is okay. Yes, it's older, but it's pretty well kept up...as far as these places go. That was good. There is a foul musty stench, which was kinda gross, but I know that sometimes there are smells involved with these places. Yuck. But...pick your battles, right?...so I held in my disdain.
What got us was the fact that there are 3 or 4 areas where there are dozens of people (residents) smoking, and there is NO avoiding it. You absolutely MUST walk through the smoke from 10 smokers to get through one gate...then through the smoke of about at 6 more people to get to where my Dad would be...the area with the wanderguard system. I should have just left then, but Linda was quite nice and I didn't want to offend her. We went in. Again, the place is older so it had its issues. But then two very large dogs came right up to us. No. No. NO.
My Dad absolutely despises dogs. It was a dog that kept me from moving him to Season's in Modesto 2 years ago because it had a bed right outside the door my Dad would use...and the dog had marked its territory very, very well.
THESE dogs as Las Palmas were big. They seemed friendly enough...but I know my Dad. That would not fly and I wouldn't even try it. I have no doubt that some situation would come up where one or both of the dogs would annoy him and he would be too rough and push or hit one...and who knows what that could cause.
Now, if it was ONLY the dog situation, I may try to work something out with these people. But the fact that there is no entrance you can walk through without causing an allergic/asthmatic reaction? No. My Dad has emphysema as it is, and I was so completely saturated with the smoke that I showered and changed my clothes when I got home. Yes, it was that bad. We're not talking some random annoying smoke we couldn't avoid from some inconsiderate SINGLE smoker. I'm talking smoke clouds like that in a bar full of people puffing away. Isn't there a law that smokers have to be 20 feet from entrances? Not that 20 feet makes much of a difference...but these people are sitting literally in the way of the gates...and you have to pass through two crowds of cancer-inducing smoke just to get in. I already had cancer, thank you very much. Kill yourself somewhere else please!
So, Laurie's message also said that obviously my Dad is not being discharged now...with the implied undercurrent that it's my fault. Too bad.
And everytime they try to send him to another place that isn't qualified to care for him I will do the same thing. Weird how this all worked considering they were trying to say my Dad makes his OWN decisions, huh? These people are ALWAYS trying to scare you into doing things you do not have to do....threatening you with lies, trying to use some big word they assume you don't know. But I know a few things after being the caregiver of a person with Dementia, and I am jaded as hell. And more than a handful of times I have CORRECTED someone's use of a word they thought sounded good at the time. So go bully someone ELSE!
In the meantime...I will be searching on my own for a suitable place.
Please someone send me a miracle.
And by the way...what is it with these places filled with people whose room and board and everything is being paid by county or state funds...and yet they have money for CIGARETTES? The state bitches and moans about budgets and blah, blah, blah...but these places are packed with people on 100% aid/assistance...which means they are being GIVEN the money to smoke. Most of these people can't even shop or leave the residence alone, so that means an aid/caregiver is actually BUYING and BRINGING them the cigarettes. Most of these people have medical issues and/or mental health issues but they are given cigarettes. I do not get it. Shouldn't the focus be on getting these people healthier, to promote well-being, to teach them what toxins in their bodies can do? Yes, what a great idea to give a man with down syndrome an unlimited supply of cigarettes! What a fabulous idea to give the guy with one lung, who can't get out of his wheelchair, free cigarettes courtesy of their county aid check. Even better to give the guy with Alzheimer's packs upon packs of cigarettes considering he will probably light himself on fire or forget what he's doing.
Freakin' awesome.
Genuises everywhere, it's great.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Evil, Evil people.

Pretty much all week I've been on the phone. Enough time has not passed for me forget what this was like before, so it all seems to blend together into one long phone call with the same idiotic person.
I had been talking to this woman, Robin, at CEPS, the people who will thankfully be taking charge of handling my Dad's bills now...they are "the payee" now. Basically, my Dad's Social Security check will be deposited into their account and they will pay my Dad's bills from that. Did I already say THANK GOD? But back to Robin. She seemed very well-meaning and nice. She seemed to understand that though I am not in charge of *everything* in my Dad's life now, I am still extremely concerned about his welfare and want him in a place that is equipped to handle him and treat him well. She seemed to get that I felt like a failure for not being able to do it myself.
I was clearly delusional.
Robin informs me today that Villa, the place Whackerman wants to send my Dad, is ready to take him.
She says that I need to bring her a check for transporting my Dad from the VA in Menlo Park to Villa...oh, and about $600-700 on top of that for the cost of the rest of the month at Villa....TODAY. I didn't really have that time today, and I was more than a little concerned that suddenly this place is going to take him when they told me they couldn't handle someone like my Dad, but I also did not have time today to deal with this or even the thought of it. I told her I would make it there in the next couple of hours.
On my way there, I got that feeling. I decided to go to this Villa place to check it out and ask when I could bring my Dad's things (I have all his clothes, etc.)...and I also wanted to talk to that Lourdie woman again to see just why and what changed their minds into taking him.
The street scared me. Hellhole. Ghetto. Random tweaky, dirty people walking the street, a street paved badly and with no sidewalks...just dirt and dumpsters in front yards. It was right off the freeway.
I pull into the crushed granite driveway and walk up to the metal screen that doesn't shut. The door was barely on its hinges. I walk in. I see no one. I walk around inside unnoticed. There is no alarm, no wander guard system, no locked doors. I go in farther and a man walks in from a patio where I see a twitching woman smoking. The man is shaky and literally grunts at me. I turn around and walk the length of the building, still unnoticed. I see another man walking in, rubbing his hand furiously together, not unlike what the character does in "Slingblade". The place smells like stale smoke, urine, and musty...something. The floor is all jacked-up and uneven...JUST perfect for someone with balance and falling issues. Great. I keep wandering until I am beyond annoyed. I never found anyone that "worked there".
Instead of following my route to CEPS to deliver the check, I went home. I felt utterly sick and irate. Hubby informs me that Robin had called. Oh, and there's a message from Laurie Ackerman, saying that my Dad is being placed at Villa because they were "willing to give it a try"....and that she hopes that I am in contact with Robin because she DESPERATELY needs the funds to transport my Dad and for care and board. She's trying to sound ALLLLL concerned and as if she's someone who gives a rats ass about anyone but herself. I'm NOT buying it. I know her better than that.
I am SO pissed.
I call Robin and immediately say I'm sorry that I am probably going to be seen as difficult...but that Villa is completely inappropriate for my Dad because of the unlocked doors, etc....uh, maybe the fact that he could escape, walk down the street and end up on the FREEWAY?
Nice Robin turns into not-so-nice Robin.
She acts like I am personally attacking her, as if me saying this place is not right for my Dad is telling her to fuck off. She doesn't want to deal with me anymore. She gives me the number of someone with "Patients Rights" and I call them. From what Theresa with Patients Rights says, she seems to understand what I am trying to get at: that I am the only one actually looking out for what my Dad really needs and am the only one being realistic with what and who he is and what that means for someone caring for him. I am beyond done fooling myself into thinking my Dad can be peaceful and cooperative. I know that he has his moments, but for the most part, he needs, needs, needs, and he is not nice about it. He screams, he demands, he expects someone at his side within milliseconds of his call for help, or ELSE. Even Dr. Fenn told me last week that my Dad yells and screams curse words and racial slurs even when unprovoked...so WHY people like Laurie Ackerman are trying to sugar coat the truth is beyond me. It creates an unsafe environment for my Dad AND the people caring for him. Hell, even when you ARE informed about what he may do, it's not easy to deal with.
Anyway, Theresa refers me to a few more people...Marilyn Ricketts with the County Conservator whom I've already spoken to before, a woman who runs a place called Las Palmas (they have a wanderguard system), the Social Worker at the Modesto VA, and a nurse who helps handle people like my Dad...she is also through the Modesto VA.
I left messages with everyone, but did get a hold of Linda at Las Palmas. She was very candid with me about what I should do and whether her place would be okay for my Dad. I will go look at it tomorrow.
I ran some errands and came back to see yet another message from Laurie Ackerman, Social Worker from HELL. To sum up what she said, hoo boy...and don't forget to add the cheap-sounding, condescending-toned, east coast (Yenta) accent while you imagine this:
"I got a call from Robin who said that you had a conversation that did not go well, that you are not happy with where your Dad is being placed. Well (with a Hmmmmph! in her voice), your Dad makes his OWN decisions and has decided ON HIS OWN to go to Villa. YOU are not in charge of his money anymore and HE decides where he goes and he has chosen to go to Villa."
Go ahead and laugh. Hubby and I did. Ackerman has more mood swings than a man taking hormone replacement to become a woman. 'Nuff said.
But...Hmmmm. Let's actually analyze her two messages...
My Dad, who is highly demented, who doesn't know how to wipe his own ass anymore because he doesn't realize what an ass IS, doesn't remember his family half the time and thinks that pictures on the wall talk to him...HE makes his OWN decisions? And, uh, IIII am not in charge if his money anymore...? Does she mean his Social Security check that I couldn't hand over FAST ENOUGH? That money? Or is the only account in his name...that whole $2000 they've been BEGGING for access to? THAT MONEY? What the "F" are these people ON?????
Seems that the now not-so-nice-Robin had some pretty interesting and not-so-TRUE things to say to Laurie Whackerman then.
What is it with these people and LYING? Is that a job prerequisite: big fat liar?
And it also seems that Burning Bridges 101 is another prerequisite. They burned this bridge, that is for sure.
Tomorrow, when they inevitably call me asking WHY I haven't brought the check to cover the cost of transportation and for the room and board for the end of the month...hmmm...well, if as Laurie said...that I am "not in charge of my dad's money anymore"...then, huh...I think that writing a check from an account with MY money in it is a really, really bad idea. They can suck it. Laurie Ackerman went from begging for money, to telling me I am not "in charge of the money". Seems that Laurie Ackerman is also dipping into the patients meds over at the geriatric psych ward. And if she isn't, she should.
Tomorrow I will start my own search for a suitable place for my Dad. Again. And if what Whackerman said is true...that he "makes his own decisions"...then he will see that IIIII will find him a nicer place and will go there "on his own".
I am also going to find out who to send a complain to for this whackjob of a Social Worker.
How do people like this sleep at night knowing they are purposely putting someone like my Dad in harm's way? HOW?
Bastards, every one of them.
I spent the day fielding and making calls about my Dad when I am not supposed to be doing any of that anymore. I got ONE of my own errands done and nothing else. I missed my Alzheimer's group again...for the 4th week in a row...all because of the same crap with the same people.
Ha...Well, at least they're consistent.

Friday, November 7, 2008

Back from the Dead.

I didn't realize I hadn't posted since September 22! It's been THAT long? Wow. Anyway, I have basically been sick this whole time. My "vacation sickness" turned into a full-blown flu/cold, bone numbing pain and nausea. Not having insurance right now, I hoped that this was just one of my weirdo thyroid-related flare ups or something related, but I got increasingly more lethargic and then got some awful infection, which I tend to get from time to time with my horrible immune system. Anyhooo...broke down my fears of the cost of a non-insured Dr. visit and went in. Thank god my Dr. office knows and likes me, because I got a fat discount and free anti-biotics from them. I am feeling soooo much better. And I started this new vitamin regime too, so I have no doubt that's helping.
Okay, so onto the latest Lewy news...if I can even catch up to what's happened...?
There wasn't a "ton" to report in October...the harrassment from the VA subsided, and the calls I did get I screened with our re-instated Privacy Manager with AT&T. How did civilized people get on without Privacy Manager? WHAT a Godsend.
I only got about 2 dozen calls (quite a cut-back) from random people about placing my Dad, bank account information, the Conservatorship process, and also questions about whether what that nut/liar Social Worker Laurie Ackerman was saying about us was true...? Oh, and what was she saying, you ask? Only that me and brother want nothing to do with our Dad, how NO ONE has been able to reach me for 3 months.
!!!!
Yeah, all those harrassing phone calls were in my head. My husband and kids saw me crying and screaming on the phone to imaginary people. All the calls I placed to my brother about yet another person calling to "not pass judgement on why I won't take responsibility for my Dad"...yep, I made it ALLLL up. Uh-huh.
So, today...
I get a call from a very nice woman from this place called CEPS. ONE thing the VA did do was contact this place that will be taking care of my Dad's money now...CEPS will be handling the payee part of my Dad's care from now on. She tells me he's being placed on Thursday close-by and tells me the name of the place...Villa...it sounds familiar...oh yeah, that's because it was one of the almost 40 places I got denied from!!! I didn't say anything to her at that time because I wanted to make sure...a lot of places have the word "Villa" in them...maybe I was mistaken...?
Nope.
Called Villa up and the woman, Lourdie (sp?), knew my name when I said I was calling to find out admitting information about my Dad.
Yeeeeeeaaaah....so apparently the already known liar and hood-rat Laurie Ackerman has decided to spread yet more lies. She told Villa that my Dad does NOT have dementia, that he is quite pleasant, and needs little assistance.
?????
Lourdie said that she plainly told Ms. Ackerman that they can't care for someone with anything other than very mild dementia...and hello? My Dad is the Dementia poster boy.
There is NO way I am allowing that scumbag Laurie to lie just to rid of my Dad and place him somewhere who is outwardly admitting they CANNOT care for someone with dementia.
I then called the "head" Psychiatrist, Dr. Fenn, who is now caring for my Dad himself (no Resident Doctors doing it for him). I asked him if they had changed my dad's diagnosis...and of course he responded as anyone should...that I was off my rocker. We ALL know my Dad has dementia.
So Dr. Fenn says that he doesn't want to get "involved" (in whatever is brewing between us and Ms. Whackerman)...but that he JUST can't see how there could be any lying in this situation because when my dad's records are sent over it will state "DEMENTIA" all over it. I told him what Whackerman told Villa about my dad not having dementia and all he could say was "I really just don't know what Ms. Ackerman is saying".
Then I left a message for Whackerman. I told her about my conversation with the Lourdie at Villa, reminded her how she had told me how she can "talk anyone into anything" and that now I know she does it with LIES...that I know she did plenty of lying about me and my brother already...that I hoped she could act with a little more professionalism and try to place my dad somewhere equipped to care for him. I closed with the fact that I know she already has my number, that she can call me back but I won't answer...and that I have nothing to say to her because she's a disgusting, despicable person.
Oh...and as I was typing that last paragraph...Whackerman just called and left a message saying that OF COURSE she told Villa my Dad has Lewy Body dementia and that whomever I spoke to is misinformed. She said that he has NOT been wandering while there and that he had improved quite a bit while in their care. She also said that if for some reason Villa did not work out, that my Dad would be sent right back to the VA and be right back in her care.
LIES!!!
Once they get him out of the VA, they are done with him. I know this for a fact. Why do these people have to lie?
Uh...hmmm....but she is right about one thing: Of course my Dad can't wander at the moment...they have him so drugged that he apparently can't walk AT ALL anymore on his own. Everytime I call him, a Nurse asks me "if I'm someone important" because it takes them a solid 5 minutes to lift him and lead him to the phone. They literally told me that if I wasn't someone "important", they would say he was asleep. Nice, huh?
BUT anyway...the second he is placed in a new facility, he will inevitably be taken off the Haldol since no Nursing Homes I know of approve of that drug...and then he will be back to wandering again.
These people are sacks of spew.
So, Whackerman said that unless IIIIII do something to change things, that she is planning on admitting him to Villa...but that I am MORE than welcome to come pick him up anytime.
This is all just sickening. Every single day I am sick that my dad is at that VA facility. They are obviously heartless bastards over there and all they are doing is keeping him drugged beyond belief. What have I done? He was supposed to go there to get his meds straight, get the conservatorship process going and get placed in a suitable facility. THAT was the plan I made with his Doctor. I was supposed to be free from the "responsibility" of making decisions and onto being able to visit him, care for him...but not kill myself and neglect my own health, children and husband in the process. Instead I've just traded all that for even more assholes to deal with and my Dad STILL isn't getting adequate care. I can't give him adequate care, no facility seems to be able to that either, and the VA is run by monkeys.
Where do I go from here?